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Transcript for Episode 02: Benzos and the Bully (Part I)

After hearing Ola’s harsh advice Randy decides to “succumb to the hordes of 9 to 5” by reluctantly getting a job at a music store across town. This forces Randy to face his enormous fear of public transit.

Warning/NSFW: The content of this podcast is intended for a mature audience only. At times this content contains highly offensive language, sexual situations, violence, illicit drug use, criminal activity, and all around bad actors. If you have sensitive ears, this may not be a good fit for you.

Privacy: Names have been altered to protect the privacy of brands, individuals, musical acts, and establishments.

PODCAST SETTING LOCATION: Based in East Vancouver / SUBJECT: Musician with Agoraphobia


Randy Darling introduces episode two of his podcast and sets the scene for the story. He introduces the characters and gives a brief overview of the episode. The story follows young Randy as he gets his first job and how this job changes his life and the life of others. This episode has five different musical genres that add to the atmosphere of the story. The listener is invited to grab a good set of headphones and enjoy the journey with young Randy.

At age 15, Randy vowed to never succumb to the nine to five grind but found himself short of money and wearing the same clothes for two and a half years. He mustered up enough courage to apply for a job at a musical instrument store which forces him to face his extreme agoraphobia. He resorts to self medicating with Benzodiazepines and Indica cannabis to cope with his agrophobia.

Randy meets his new boss, Jasper, and is taken to the guitar department. Jasper warns Randy not to bother or talk to Sandy Abrams the rock star when she comes in the store. Jasper then leaves the room, leaving Randy feeling a mix of embarrassment and shame. Randy turns his focus to the wall of electric and acoustic guitars, feeling sympathetic towards Jasper’s condition.

Randy takes down a 1967 Fender Stratocaster guitar. He cleans and polishes it, adjusts the trust rod and strings, and puts it back on the wall. Sandy Abrams enters the room and admires Randy’s work, then requests to Randy take down the Anniversary Gretsch White Falcon guitar. Randy slips and the guitar falls to the floor at Sandy’s feet, causing Jasper to enter the room angry. Jasper severly scolds Randy for his clumsiness, saying it embarrassed him, his team, and his brand. He orders Randy to leave the store and to come back the next day.


Randy enters the coffee shop located in East Vancouver…

June: Good morning, Darling.

Randy: Good morning, June.

June: I hope you’re feeling better today?

Randy: Yeah, I am. Is it okay to use the back room for a bit?

June:  Yes, Darling, anytime we can.

Randy walks to the back of the coffee shop, opens the back room door, and starts introducing his story…

Hi. My name is Randy Darling. Hope you liked episode one, “Harsh Advice from the Thief Next Door”. We will be continuing Ola’s story as well as all the other characters you met. But today we’re taking you on a journey with young Randy. This is where I got my first day job. I can’t tell you more without spoilers, but it was life changing for several people.

This episode has five different musical genres, so grab a good set of headphones and I’ll see you on the other side.

Randy begins the story…

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Why didn’t I think of this before?

If I had to work for The Man, why not be surrounded by what I loved the most? And what I loved was music.

From the age of 15  I swore I would never succumb to the hordes of nine to five.

But I weighed 140 pounds and had been wearing the same pair of jeans for two and a half years, had two T-shirts so old they were nearly translucent, and a baggy raggy sweater my mother knitted for me just before leaving home.

So I mustered up some courage and applied for a job at a musical instrument store. And to my horror, wouldn’t you know it, I got what I feared the most.

And the reason I say fear, my dear listener, is because at the time, your humble narrator had some trouble just getting around. Especially during the day when the scariest monsters came out to feed.



It’s not something I’m real proud of. But in the spirit of full disclosure, there’s only one way I could ride the transit back then. I would take black market Benzos with a touch of Indica to achieve what I used to call the big float.

Apparently, they call this self medicating and my condition agoraphobia. But whatever they call it, some nights I flew with the birds clear over Gastown and clear across the Lions Gate Bridge.

I don’t recommend this as a form of recreation for the tourists and the college kids. It’s just the way I chose to cope. It’s a scary thing sometimes when you’re alone in a big city, especially when you’re so young and so undiagnosed.

Now, you’re probably wondering why I’m sharing all of this and how it relates to our story. It just helps to understand that my mental condition and intoxication were mitigating factors in my defense.

Anyway, friend, would you mind reaching up and pulling the cord? Ours is the next stop on the way to Jasper’s Elite Music.



A young sales clerk was on his knees with his head in the front counter display case as I approached.

“Hi, my name is Randy, and I’m starting work today. I’m supposed to meet Jasper”, I said.

Evan: “Oh, Hi. Jasper’s office is up the stairs and to the left. Good luck.”


As I climbed the stairs, I started feeling anxious. Either it was in anticipation of meeting my new boss, or it was the ominous and faceless good luck I had just received.

Before I even got to the top of the stairs, I had to quickly dodge right to avoid collision with a man flying past me on the way down. He looked to be in his early to late 30s with long blonde hair and sideburns. He wore a golf shirt, pleated dress pants and cowboy boots.

Jasper: “Sandy’s going to be here in the next 15 minutes team so look sharp – and send the new guy up to my office as soon as he gets here.”

Evan: He’s here already? I just sent him up.

Randy: I turned around to see Jasper coming up the stairs towards me…

Jasper: “Let’s go to my office,” he said without shaking my extended hand.

Randy: I walked through the door after him into a tiny cluttered office and sat down. Without looking me in the eye, he picked up the phone and spun his chair around, facing his back to me.

Jasper: “Walter, Sandy is coming by in 15, so get your piece of shit Volvo out of the VIP parking space. I told you to quit parking there.”

Randy: He spun around and slammed the phone down.

Jasper: “Okay, so you’re Randy, I never asked you to sit down. Follow me to the guitar department.”

Randy: Feeling a simultaneous jolt of shame and embarrassment, I jumped up to follow him. He led me to a room directly across from his office on the second floor.

Jasper: “This is where you’ll be. We have a surplus of inventory so we need you to sell these guitars pronto. Any questions?” he asked as his eyes followed a young woman entering the keyboard room.

Randy: “Where’s the bathroom and when do we take breaks?” I responded.

His head snapped to the side as if I had slapped him in the face.

Jasper: “My staff doesn’t house take breaks. Their focus is on moving product. The restroom is on the first floor, across from the school band instruments. If you have any more questions, ask Evan.”

Randy: He turned and started to leave the room.

Jasper: “Oh, yeah, one more thing. Sandy Abrams is coming in for some gear this morning. She’s recording in a demo studio not far from here. Don’t bother her, don’t talk to her, and do not ask her for an autograph.”


I was happy Jasper was on his way out of the guitar room so I could clear the air of his rather toxic blend. I could sense he was suffering from an unfortunate condition, but who was I to cast judgment on another afflicted soul?

I turned my focus to the wall of electric and acoustic guitars now in my charge. I pulled down a 1967 Stratocaster and carefully removed her strings. Then I cleaned her and polished her. I adjusted her trust rod for intonation and gave her a brand new set of strings. I put her back in her throne high up on the wall. And then I stopped for a moment to take in this moment of pride.

Just then I heard a calming voice come from behind me say…

Sandy Abrams: “It’s beautiful.”

Randy: I turned around to see Sandy Abrams.

Sandy Abrams: “Evan says your name is Randy. Well Randy, can you pass me down the Falcon while you’re up there?”

Randy: As I started pulling the anniversary Gretsch White Falcon down, my foot slipped and the guitar fell to the floor right at Sandy’s feet. She quickly caught it before it did a complete face plant. She smiled and said…

Sandy Abrams: “That was close.”

Randy: Then Jasper bolted in the room, angry.


“Come into my office Randy, I need to talk to you for a minute. I have just one simple question for you. What in the FUCK was that? Are you always that clumsy? Or do you always lose basic motor skills when a nice piece of fluff is talking to you? I told you to stay away from her. Jesus fuck. Pull your head out of your ass. This is strike one. You embarrassed me. You embarrassed my team. You embarrass my brand. Get out of my store right now, you starstruck motherfucker. I’ll decide on your fate tomorrow.”

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You can hear Randy open the back room door of the coffee shop, then Randy’s footsteps as he walks to the front of the coffee shop approaching June at the front counter…

Old Randy: Have a great day, June.

June: Have a great day, Darling. And cheer up, I loved your first episode.

Old Randy: Thanks, June. You’re the best.

The bell rings on the front door as Randy leaves. You can hear the street noises of East Vancouver. Cars, buses, people talking, and Randy’s footsteps as he walks away…

Sound fades away to silence.

Ending notice from young women with a strong Australian accent: You’ve been listening to the Randy Darling podcast. To get the backstory on young and old Randy, June, the coffee shop, locations and answers to frequently asked questions, visit


Character of:
voiced by:
Randy Darling

by Allan Isaacson & Andrea Irving

Character of:
voiced by:
Andrea Irving
Margot Robbie

Character of:
voiced by:
Allan Isaacson
Jordan Belfort

Character of:
voiced by:
Allan Isaacson
Mark Fischbach

Character of:
voiced by:
Andrea Irving
Rosamund Pike



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